


Open my Spirit Portal!

by silkarc



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Comedy, F/F, Korrasami - Freeform, Parody, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-07 17:12:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3177514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkarc/pseuds/silkarc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Comedy/parody short stories in the korrasami universe. Makes fun of many tropes, some of which I'm guilty of myself. ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Open my Spirit Portal!

Korra took the raven haired beauty’s hands and they travelled into the golden light together, smiling and ever so in love.

They walked through meadows of green, past fields of flowers and bright sparkling streams. Cute and fluffy spirits were everywhere, and rainbows filled the sky.

Asami suddenly came to a stop, and pointed.

“Korra?”

“Yes?”

“Why is that spirit horse… fucking that tree?”

“errr..”

“And… why did a spirit monkey just start fucking the spirit horse that is fucking that tree?”

“Hell if I know. Check out these GUNS!” Korra flexed hard and grinned at the other woman.

Asami was impressed by the might of her flexes, and tottered over to feel Korra’s weapons. “My, these are impressive,” she said, licking her lips. “But I’m taller than you, you know,” she flung back her hair for no reason at all.

Korra continued to play out various strong-woman poses as more and more spirit animals gathered and started to mount each other.

“Seriously Korra, what the eff?”

“Okay, okay, so maaaybe, there’s a teeny, tiny,” Korra demonstrated with a small gap between her forefinger and thumb, “itty, bitty chance, that my mood affects the world. Little bit.”

Two copulating mole-birds crashed down behind her with a loud bang, and continued to pound into each other, seemingly undeterred by their descent.

Asami coughed. “Right. Well. Perhaps we should retire to the Sato mansion instead.”

“You mean the massive, empty luxury house with a spa, gym, power shower, water bed, sex swi..”

“YES. Korra, that’s what I mean,” Asami crossed her arms and frowned.

“Well, heiress,” Korra wiggled her brows, “I’m all yours, let’s go.”

“Heiress? What the shit, Korra.”

“Eh yeah, that was lame. Okay, okay. Raven haired vision? Sultry saucy sexy lady? Snazzy engineer? Ruby lipped beauty?”

Asami palmed herself in the face. “Fuck it, let’s go…”

“Yaaay!” Korra took her hand and dragged her at a high velocity back through the portal.

“Are we gonna do it?” Korra panted, as soon as they bounced through the other side.

“Do what, Korra?”

Korra made a hole with her finger and thumb and kept poking the other hand’s forefinger through it. “Do it. Sexy time. Sexy sexy tiii---ime,” she sang, and upon noticing that Asami was staring at her, threw herself into a mighty shoulder flex.

“Well, there’s no resisting that, is there?” Asami purred, “By the way, I’m taller than you.”

They jumped into the satomobile, Asami’s red lipstick glowing in the wind like a thousand tomatoes ripe for the picking, and zoomed off.

When they got to the mansion, Korra air bent the front door clean off its hinges.

“You could have just fucking opened it, Korra!” Asami growled.

“But I’m the Avatar! Master of all four elements!” Korra wiggled her brows, “Want me to bend yours, ‘Sami?”

“mmmm, yes, actually,” Asami smiled, mood swinging like a mother fucker.

They raced upstairs, threw open the door, closing it behind them. Korra wandered off and returned with a little box, placed it on the floor, stood on it and then thrust Asami against the door.

“Oh Korra, you’re so much smaller than me, I love it,” Asami purred as the bender chewed her earlobes.

“Let’s get nekkid!” Korra exclaimed, “then you can see these bad girls in action,” she flexed, making a  _pew pew_  face, before air bending all of her clothes off.

“Mmmhmm you know how to turn me on, Korra, “Asami said as her clothes fell to the floor in an instant.

They leapt onto the bed together, Asami pinning the master of the elements down.

Then, Korra flipped Asami, “Hah!”

Asami flipped Korra, and then flipped her hair, you know, because.

Korra flipped Asami “Stay down!”

Asami flipped Korra “fuck I will!”

Korra flipped Asami flipped Korra flipped Asami.

Eventually Korra flexed her guns, causing Asami to freeze in sexual shock.

Korra took the opportunity to shuffle her head down and nestle between her thighs… where she found a tasty treat. It was an old candy bar, Asami must have left it there earlier. Korra quickly devoured it and then set her tongue upon Asami’s lovely lady parts.

“Oh, Spirits!” Asami cried.

Korra stopped. “The fuck? Where?”

“I have no idea, get your head back down there,” Asami said, grabbing her head and ramming it back down between her legs.

“Mmm mmm mmm, mmm, mmm” Korra mouthed, enjoying her Asami-salad.

Suddenly a wild Tenzin appeared, knocking on the doorframe of their open window, “Hello, I am extremely un-aware that I’m interrupting, Korra, we need yo… ARGH”

“FUCK OFF, Tenzin!” Korra roared, a jet of fire spewing from her mouth and knocking the monk from his perch.

Korra continued to write random letters with her tongue, and then Asami yelled “YES! RIDE MY SATOMOBILE!!! RIDE IT HARD!” as she melted away into a pool of luuurve.

“My turn yet?” Korra asked, her ripped, sweating shoulders tensed like boulders and her eyes like a billion satomobiles all revving their engines at once.

“Oh yes, you’ve earned it,” Asami growled as she flipped them over.

But then Korra flipped her over, so she flipped Korra who flipped her…

“For fucks sake Korra, do you want me to fucking fuck you or what?” Asami seethed, flipping herself on top again, and then flipping her hair, because she’s worth it.

“Oops. Yeah, good point,” Korra grinned.

Asami pushed Korra down and went to work her tongue on her Korra-sandwich, causing the bender to bend water in an entirely different way.

“Mmmm ‘Sami, right ther..”

“Korra, I’m serious, the world needs yo..” Tenzin was thrown off the ledge again by the bedside cabinet that Korra air-bent at his face.

Korra’s muscles seemed to double in size, and as Asami found her magic buttons, Korra’s eyes flashed white.

“Korra, seriously, I can’t do this with rocks, fire and all sorts of crap flying around,” Asami frowned.

Korra’s eyes went back to normal, “Yeah, sorry, I didn’t think that one through. But check out mah GUNS!” she grinned, and once Asami had recovered from the shock at seeing her toned muscles, she flipped her hair and went back to work on Korra’s spirit portal.

 

\--== Fin ==-- 


	2. Ride my satomobile!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merged the parodies together into one fic, because there just might be a third on the way.

Korra and Asami were sitting in a tree, and they were ever so in love. The birds were singing, and the wind was blowing, like wind generally does.

The older woman turned to the younger woman, brushed her hair behind her head, pursed her cherry cola lips and said, “I love your eyes Korra, they’re so… blue.”

“And I love yours, they’re like meadows filled with green peas in a sea of toxic waste,” Korra said, with a smug expression.

“Mmmhh Korra, I love it when you talk dirty to me…”

The actually only very slightly older woman smiled lovingly and adoringly at the marginally younger woman, and leant over to kiss her, before falling off the branch and landing flat on her ass.

“Spirits!” she exclaimed.

“…WHERE?” Korra shouted from above.

Asami rubbed her bruised behind, irritated as shit, but then the water, earth, air and fire bender jumped down and held out her hand.

“Now we’re down here, let’s sexytime!” Korra said, jiggling her eyebrows.

Asami flipped her hair, and Korra gawped with sexual admiration.

The sultry, industrialist heiress placed her palm against Korra’s mighty chest and thrust her into the tree, before setting her crimson kissers to work on the younger, only really slightly shorter, blue-eyed water bender’s neck.

She placed her hand above Korra’s special place, where she accidentally-on-purpose zapped her.

“Oops, forgot about the glove.”

“Do it again!”

Tenzin stared from afar, wondering why there were flashes of lightning glowing under that tree every 5 seconds, and… screaming?

Once she could smell smoke, the insignificantly older, taller, raven haired vixen mechanic thought it best to remove the glove and set her magnificent, ruby lips to work. She did a super slow motion hair flick, causing Korra’s clothing to disintegrate, then she knelt down and started to devour Korra’s fishy feast.

“Mmmm. Mmm! This sushi is REALLY good Korra, where did you get it from?”

“Take out from tai pans, across the road,” Korra said, sitting down to grab a few sushi rolls herself.

When they were nourished, Asami did a backflip and landed on Korra’s torso, pushing her to the ground.

“Now it’s time for dessert,” she growled, then lifted up a tub of ice cream and began to tuck in. “Want some?” she asked, spoon sticking out of her mouth.

The younger woman propped herself up on her forearms and opened her mouth… “Ahhh!”

“Neooowmmm in goes the airplane!” The older woman spoon fed her a chunk of her glorious clotted cream.

When she had finished, Asami discarded the empty tub and set her attentions to Korra’s moist chocolate pudding.

“Hey that’s mine! Korra shouted, folding her arms”

“mmf! But it’s sfo guwd!” Asami said, with her mouth full.

Once she had devoured the chocolatey goodness, she gazed upon the shorter, bronze skinned bender’s toned body, and rested her eyes upon her perfect, muscular abs glistening in the light. Asami’s lips curled upwards. She stood up suddenly, “Wait here, I have an idea,” tossed away the spoon and ran off.

Korra lay back and hummed a few songs to herself, plucked a flower and started to pull it’s petals off one by one… _She loves me, I love me, she loves me, I love me. She loves me, I love me. She loves me!_ Korra beamed at the fully plucked flower, happy with her destructive conclusion.

Asami returned with a bucket of soapy water and a backpack full of laundry. “Scrubbin’ time!” she shouted, then pushed Korra down and used her perfectly sculpted washboard abs to help scrub away the most stubborn of stains.

Korra sat up, “Aren’t you ever going to come nibble my lady bug?” she enquired, pouting and blushing and flexing.

“mmhmm, be right there my little water tribe bender,” Asami crawled on top of her on all fours, then set her luminescent red lips, lips that glowed as red as a hundred stop signs, to work their magic against the bender’s body.

“Oh, Raava!” Korra moaned.

 _“Yes?”_ Raava responded.

“Raaavaaaa…”

_“What the shit Korra I don’t need to see this what the actual fuck is wrong with you?”_

“Raaaavaaaraavaaraavaaa” Korra groaned, as Asami continued to tongue-fiddle her violin.

 _“I’m done. I’m so done with your shit, Korra,”_ Raava said, leaving the bender’s body.

“Wait, come back!” Korra said, pouting characteristically, “I can’t bend my elements without you, Raaaavaaa,” she purred.

“You’re doing it again, Korra” Asami lifted her mouth for a moment.

“Rrrrravaaa, Rrrrraaaav… wait, what?”

“Breathing fire. Into the air.”

“C’mon ‘Samiiii, it’s not like I’m hurting anyone…” Korra blushed, and pouted, and blushed some more whilst pouting, as she pushed Asami’s head back into position.

Once her instrument had been tuned, Korra sat up before the now blazing tree and pointed to her shiny flexed bicep, lifting an eyebrow at the sexy vixen heiress non-bender engineer.

Asami gasped, and her clothes fell off.

“Korra,” Asami looked dead serious, “I want you to climb into my Satobmobile, pull off the handbrake and stick your keys into my ignition.”

“Okay, back in a bit,” Korra ran around the corner to start up the car.

Asami slammed her palm into her face.

Korra jumped into the Satomobile and followed her instructions, then quickly headed back.

“Korra??” Mako stopped her in the street, confusion clear in his voice, “Why are you… naked?”

“Asami flipped her hair in slow mo’, bro”

“Ahhh,” Mako said, nodding serenely, “Well, as you were, citizen!” he said, continuing his patrol.

Korra returned to her lover, grinning widely and flexing _all of the muscles_ at her.

Asami stared for two full minutes with stars and biceps in her eyes, then asked, “Wait, you didn’t really go and do that did yo..”

She was interrupted by a loud crash and a scream.

“For _fucks sake_ Korra, it was parked on a hill, you seriously took the handbrake off?”

“You told me to!” the younger, adorable, shorter southern water tribeswoman pouted.

“I was talking about THIS satomobile, HERE!” Asami pointed her finger downwards for emphasis.

“Ohhhh, you wanted me to start _that_ engine?” Korra asked, raising an eyebrow, “So, you want me to… shift your gears?”

“Yes, please…” Asami gasped.

“Change your engine oil? “

“Oh, Korra…”

“Tighten your fan belt?  “

“You _tease_ …”

“Fire your pistons?”

“Mmm…”

“Take you in for a full service and MOT and check your service history? “

“Mmhmmmm..!” Asami groaned and surrendered herself to her womanly desires as Korra placed her hand against her ignition slot.

“Vroom vroom!” Said Korra, as Asami’s engine roared.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? Yes please!


	3. Bend my Elements!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're on a boat. They try to sex. There's an owl.

Korra and Asami are still very much in love.

They’re sailing on a boat to the southern water tribe, it’s a bumpy ride and Asami’s shivering into her fluffy coat, which is red, because she’s allergic to any other colour. Korra’s in a stringy blue vest, and her tan skin’s exposed, almost luminescent in the sun.

She turns to look at Asami, and grins and flexes each bicep in turn. This, naturally, causes Asami’s clothes to threaten to fall off. But it’s so cold, she desperately holds the material close to her, unwilling to let it fall victim to the bicep-ey advances of the master of the universe and all four elements.

Korra potters over to Asami, all cocky and shit, then leans down, her face close enough to almost head-butt her.

“Salaaami. You cold?” she growls, her voice dry and gritty, like a car tyre slowly cracking its way across a gravel road that’s been paved with cheap and shitty stone and not the high quality good stuff.

“F…F… freezing…” Asami stutters, wondering how Korra talked her into this shitty sailboat trip in the first place, and if they had to sail why the fuck couldn’t they take the jet-propelled bad-ass speedboat she’s just designed. She’s fairly sure Korra abused the power of her abs, since the last thing she remembers is rubbing her cheek across it, sniffing it, eating sushi off it, dancing on it and sexing herself against it, mesmerised by the goliath-like ridges of sheer muscle.

Korra wraps her arms around her, and she’s immediately boiling hot, Korra’s heat radiating around her. Korra’s like a walking furnace, a sun in a sea of ice, a volcano, a searing hot asteroid, sentient and insistent on the destruction of the world and all things.

Asami’s good and cosy now, so she allows her persistently tugging clothes to fall off, feeling a hundred times better at having Korra’s exquisite, sculpted, muscular, slightly shorter (and that’s all that matters) body pressed so closely against hers.

“Shall I pull into port?” Korra purrs, her eyes dark and watery, like wells that have oil in them ready for an unsuspecting peasant to discover, turning him into a rich tycoon overnight but he can’t handle it and turns to drugs and gambling and then he’s dead.

“Aye, captain,” Asami salutes, her hair’s flicking in the wind, and her lips are glowing red, like an angry baboons ass after it’s been beaten to hell and back with a paddle.

Korea leans down, buries her head between Asami’s thighs and partakes in a spot of pearl diving, Asami’s fingers splay into her hair, because she sure as fuck loves it when Korra dives her pearls.

 _“Spirits!”_ She gasps,

“mmWhere?” Korra mumbles, her  mouth full.

“Yes?” Wang Shi Dong, the infamous sex-owl spirit appears above the two, flapping his majestic wings, golden balls dangling from his claws.

Korra leans up from her deep-sea diving adventure and squints at the owl,

“The shit do you want?”

“S _he_ called me,” he nods his beak at a blank-faced Asami, “But since I’m here, somethings been bothering me...”

“Ugh can’t you see I’m busy Ugh whatever, UGH” Korra pouts and folds her arms, pouting.

“I was kind of busy too” Asami complains, already missing the delights of her ham sandwich being eaten by her cute and all powerful short-ass water tribe stallion.

“I don’t give a monkey-rats ass.” Wang Shi Dong booms at them, then coughs, “I have been researching this thing that you two practise... this buy-sexuality”

Korra’s frowning because she doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

The owl grunts, exasperatedly.

“It’s when you like boys _and_ girls. I wondered what it’s like, I need to know for my research.”

“Whatever dude, I’m Korra-sexual” Asami says, folding her arms.

“Oh yeah, I’m Asami-sexual, totally.” Korra’s grinning, and Asami’s blushing and they totally just want to get it on. Asami pulls off an impromptu hair-flip and lids her eyes, and Korra’s thrown back against the other side of the ship in shock and awe, and her clothes de-materialise instantly.

The owl flaps his wings angrily, drawing their attention before they start their buy-sexuality nonsense.

“At least tell me which one of you is the feudal lord!”

“The what-now” Asami’s squinting at him this time, and his balls are jingling in frustration.

“The trouser wearer, the toppie, the mr pantsy wantsy, the coal miner, the bearded one, the big dipper, the dom, the one with the hairy legs, the Man-at-arms to your Orko , the he-man to your she-ra, the gardener to your lawn, the…”

Korra’s bored, she metal bends a big part of the boat, and Asami’s hoping it isn’t an important one, at the owl, he screeches and vanishes from their reality with a loud *pop* and a louder *fuck you!*

“The shit was all that about?” Korra asks Asami, and she’s looking at her, and she’s mega in-love and Asami’s all naked and she’s blushing brighter than a walrus that’s discovered he’s buy-sexual and so is his best friend and so they can be buy-sexual together and it’s like the best thing ever and they get it on and have gay walrus sex but then the iceberg that they’re on breaks and they fall into the ocean and freeze to death and die.

“Like I care, get back down there.” Asami groans, her voice hoarse, deeper than a bearded bear-whale that’s at the bottom of the ocean. She pushes Korra’s head down, and as she’s rocking away to her favourite bender-beat, she smiles to herself. Maybe the boat ride isn’t so bad after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of Ronin Korra going over 8k hits, have some pure silliness. Oh, and leave a comment, if you want! :)

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to hear your thoughts, always. And if you enjoy my work, please check out my other fics!
> 
> [Raava Academy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4778129/chapters/10930154) ***NEW***   
>  [Harmony](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3638346/chapters/8037393)   
>  [Riches to Rags](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4015615/chapters/9024838)   
>  [Ronin Korra](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3345077/chapters/7317863)
> 
> [Follow me on tumblr](http://silktum.tumblr.com/) for updates and other korrasami fun.


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